I Went to a Mall Last Night

I went to a mall last night. I don't go to malls often. In fact, the last time I remember being in a mall to actually shop was around Christmas due completely to holiday necessity.

I went to a mall last night because there were a plethora of sales My Lady and I decided to check out. She checked out many more sales than I did, but that was okay. It gave me the chance to sit back and watch the Mallrats do their thing. My two favorites:

!) I'm not sure of this young chap's name, but we'll call him Flavor Flav 2. Which really isn't fair to Flavor Flav, because I'm pretty sure this guy was Flavor Flav's half retarded little brother. And since Flav is half retarded himself, that would make his little brother 3/4 retarded I believe. Science is so simple. Anyways, the mall was about to close, and FF2 walks up in his shorts that are really open ended jeans that only go to the ankles; his random rap artist t-shirt three sizes too big that featured a tank, a monkey, and a dollar bill sign; his bright green shoes; his hair tied in little knots all over his head; his three silver chains with cursive writing on the end; and his wrap around sunglasses, silver of course.

He walked into Foot Locker and said, "Look at all these shoes!" The Footlocker employee asks, "Can I help you find something?" He shouts, "No man, I'm just looking at all these shoes!" "Okay then sir, but know we are going to close in three minutes." Footlocker then lowers the gate and FF2 is stuck inside. "What the hell man? I love shoes, but I ain't going to sleep with them!" Footlocker then lets him out. I already decided he was my second favorite person of the night, then he went to the reflective glass located next to Foot Locker, readjusted his sun glasses, and slowly became my hero. He readjusted his sunglasses for five minutes. After they were just right on his tiny little head, he put both his arms out, flexed them, and started dancing that strange shoulder dance the kids do nowadays in the mirror. I liked this guy. My Lady and I then invited him over for cookies and milk.

2) My favorite person of the evening was definitely the short, fat little Indian girl that ran from the mall entrance of Barnes and Noble, to the cash registers where My Lady and I were standing. As she approached My Lady, she dropped to all fours, started stalking, pounced on My Lady's feet, and began licking. My Lady asks, "Do you like my feet?" in her best "clearly used to talking to a puppy" voice. The fat little Indian girl continued licking until her mother came and grabbed her, without acknowledging that quite possibly the strangest event of mall time ever happened.

I went to a mall last night. I highly encourage you all to do so as well.