One of life’s greatest contradictions is that one starts a blog to write about all of life’s happenings, but when life is happening, one has no time to blog. I think Socrates said that. Maybe it was me. Ever since I took a 200 level philosophy class in college I often confuse myself with Socrates, even though we are very different. Socrates had a large and consistent body of work. I haven’t written a “real” blog since June 11th. Socrates attended the now legendary history performance at San Dimas High School. I merely smoked pot and laid bitches in high school. One thing Socrates and I do have in common however is wordily catching up all the peeps on our most recent thoughts and going-ons.
I expect this blog to be very very long. This is coming from a guy who thinks most of his blogs are short, when really they are long. I like words. They’re fun. Did you know there is a word to describe almost anything? If there’s not a word to describe something, hot and heavy elephant sex for instance, you can assign one. In this case, hot and heavy elephant sex shall be known as Dallas.
Due to the expected length of this blog, I’ve decided to go away with the whole, My Brother, My Ladyfriend, My Blah Blah, when referencing people. To incorrectly quote Jeff (formerly My Chicago Friend or My College Roommate in Chicago) it, “played its course a long time ago.” However, some people may not want their names typed up and published on the Internet for strangers to read. That could result in identity theft. I may remain vague about people, but I’ll try to be less cutesy. Agreed?
In addition to being the new name for hot and heavy elephant sex and a city that Debbie did, Dallas is also my brother’s name. That’s a trifecta!
I don’t want anyone to complain about the expected length of this blog. I’m sorry if it will take more than five minutes to read. Get over it. I expect it to be shorter than a book, so that’s good. Besides, I’ll conveniently break this blog into sections with links that tell you, the Novice Reader, “You’ve reached a stopping point. How exhausting. You should probably go sit down or watch TV. I’m so proud of you.” The nice thing about stopping points is you can then start reading at the same point. They are pessimistically named. Henceforth, they are starting points.
If you’re curious, here are the different starting points you will find in this blog. In addition to simply listing them, I’ve linked them to their corresponding location on the blog. You are welcome.
1) San Antonio
2) Chicago
3) Bachelor Party
4) Chaos and Please Kill Me Now
5) Four Days, Two Days, One Day, None
6) Rehearsal/Day of Wedding
7) The Hotel Part One
8) The Honeymoon
9) The Wedding
10) The Hotel Part Two
Also, if it's easier to just print the whole damn thing, here you go.
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