Hell, I Found You

I learned about Hell last night. Hell is not some big fire pit with skeletons, ghouls, and devils where sinners go to simultaneously burn and suffer. No, Hell is stocking shelves of delicious snack products, starving, while listening to Toby Keith tell you how he wants nothing more than to fight the terrorists at 4:15 in the morning, even though he never actively enlisted in any sort of terrorist fighting regiment, while everyone you know sleeps soundly in their beds.