The Nightingale Flees

Previously on Shiny Forehead...

Jay took his wife to Galena on February 13th and 14th and 15th...On Friday, February 13th at 11:11 Jay hit 100,000 miles on his Nissan automobile causing all sorts of luck paradoxes that could have imploded the most logical of worlds...The world did not end but Jay got called for a job interview...He got the job...He and his wife bought a new house...During a farewell party Jay drank too much and put on pink flamingo glasses and gave a much better version of Abraham Lincoln's four score and seven years ago speech that I don't remember but luckily is forever captured on camera...Jay moved back in with his parents and started to eat a lot of meatball subs...Jay learned that supervising in a Union environment is really the exact same as supervising in a non-Union environment if you're not a power hungry asshole...Jay is not a power hungry asshole...Jay took a few days off to road trip to a Pennsylvania wedding where he learned his friend Dan will give money to homeless guys...He forever pissed off a stuck-up southern blond debutante by calling her out on her stuck-upedness...He drank more than most people probably thought possible in a four day period...He taught a black man how to hit on black woman because after all, Jay's a white, married guy from Iowa which screams MAN WITH GAME...He did not get killed by the black man and instead was deemed one cool motherfucker...He probably helped him get babies made with future unwed mothers...He gained a lot of weight again...Damn those meatball subs...

For the record, I had a theme I wanted to run through those flashbacks but I decided not to. It would have related to this season of Lost which I know two of my readers haven't watched yet. As to not have to precede statements with the oft-ignored *SPOILER* warning, I edited out my Lost themed rant. Which was great.

Hi! How's life treating everyone. Good? That's good. Life's so rad. Are you going to the party after the show? I am, but my friends don't want to go...can I have a ride?

Sorry. I had a brief distraction there. Here's some thoughts:

--Twitter is further proof the world will be ending soon. Also, I think the sun is getting closer to the Earth and the globe may be slowly stretching out a bit.

--I finally figured out how to properly describe the origins of Go America. I'm very excited about this.

--I'm almost done with a short story that might not be very good, but it's at least a story.

--The 'Loo is much cleaner than the QC. The QC is really dirty. However the QC has something like 800 Hungry Hobos and five gas stations that sell fountain Diet Caffeine Free Coke while the 'Loo has 0 of either.

--I think I'm done with baseball. The playoffs have become unwatchable, I only have the option to watch one game on Saturday afternoons AND IT IS 2009, their online service still has ridiculous blackout rules that prevents Iowa from accessing six teams, oh yeah, and all the players are unethical cheaters with God complexes.

--I want to punch Tyler Perry in the face. Not just for me. For everybody.

--You know how sometimes you haven't done something in a long time, and you're worried about doing something again in case you've forgotten how to do said something, so you just stop doing that thing entirely, then you realize you should just do it again it doesn't have to be good you should just get it out of the way so maybe you can start doing it again regularly? That's how I am with writing, sex, and eating meatball subs.

--I can no longer make fun of the uselessness of my job. In the past I made sure you got all the products you didn't need at a store that overcharged you but pretended not to. After that I bought packaging and was the definition of unnecessary overhead: useless salaried positions that aren't really needed much. Now I watch people make engines that eventually go into tractors and combines which help farmers farm corn and wheat which you eat for breakfast, lunch, and supper. Without me, you'd starve to death. I think this offsets the fact the engine my guys make is also used in the ships on "The Deadliest Catch," which sometimes causes you to waste hours in front of the TV watching addicting and thrilling marathons.

--Really everyone...go watch Lost's first five seasons before season six airs. I can only hold back so many rants.

--I have no interest in proofreading right now. If you find any mistakes, please let me know.