The Dells

Before the baseball games, My Lady and I started our whirlwind trips around the Midwest area by visiting the Wisconsin Dells. Or, for those unfamiliar, "Tourist Waterpark Town."

My Lady, God bless her, is a wee bit of a wuss at times when it comes to amusement park rides that go up, down, or spin. This led us to stand in line for five minutes while her nerves tensed up. Once at the top of the line, she'd ask the people in front of us what this ride was all about. The person would then answer, "Oh it's awesome, you go down this tube and spin around and splash in the bottom!" This would then calm My Lady down, so she could go on the ride. Did I mention the people she talked to in this capacity averaged ages 8 to 10? It was hilarious.

Also, big Wisconsin oafs really do love their cheese. I asked a guy who kept seeming to find us in line, who was there with his 4H club, what he planned to do now that he graduated college. He told me he planned to make Feta Cheese. I said that sounds interesting and asked him how people go about making Feta Cheese. He gave me a blank stare, his head twitched as it rebooted, and he started stammering. I bailed him out by saying, "There must be a process huh?" "Yeah. A process." I've never had anyone give me such a specific ambition without any sort of details. Oh well.

Another highlight of the trip was the water coaster that My Lady and I went on four times. If you haven't been, water coasters are simply water slides that also feature conveyors so you get whipped around several water tubes at once. This was all well and good until the guy behind us in line cut his elbow and started dripping blood on his tube. This caused them to get out the emergency, "Don't Spread AIDS" kit and start cleaning the blood. Meanwhile My Lady and I are on the starting conveyor waiting to be launched into the coaster. The person working the conveyors saw us patiently waiting and must have assumed, "These people have been waiting awhile, they must want to get to the end of the ride quickly." The person working the conveyors then turned them up to sonic speed and we got whipped around the ride so fast our skin actually peeled back off our face. It was fun, but after eight hours of sun and enclosed tubes of water, our stomaches said, "Enough you! Go to the hotel and nap." Which we did.

At supper that eve I even tried beer. Which, after a month of trying to enjoy, I still say tastes like stale pee, only sometimes with a slight berry taste.