Can we all agree on the following: Not all music originating from the 80’s can be labeled “80’s music.” Some songs just happened to have been released in the 80’s. Two weekends ago I watched bits and pieces of VH1’s Top 100 80’s song. The list clearly had issues if for no other reason than Europe’s Final Countdown was not number one. It wasn’t even in the top twenty!
What was in the top 20? AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long.” Wrong. This is not an 80’s song. 80’s songs are by bands that reached brief bits of fame in the inexplicable 80’s because people were too busy using hairspray and huffing glue to discern between good and bad. Corey Hart’s, “Sunglasses at Night?” 80’s song. Anything by AC/DC? No. Any band that can release a multi-platinum record today has transcended the 80’s. Aerosmith’s songs from the 80’s are just that, songs they released in the 80’s. They are not in the same category as Mr. Roboto and that song about Jenny’s phone number.
Not only did VH1 release a completely incorrect and idiot top 100 list (that not surprisingly was voted on by the public), XM Radio now has Channel 41: Hair Metal. I tried to listen to it yesterday expecting the best of Cinderella, Dokken, Poison, White Snake, Def Leppard, etc. Instead I hear Guns ‘N Roses, Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Guns ‘N Roses, Bon Jovi, Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Guns ’N Roses. Now, CLEARLY Bon Jovi’s 80’s songs are your regular poofy-haired, acid-washed jeans 1980’s hair metal epics. But Bon Jovi has become some strange demigod of 80’s musicians—still relevant yet still kitsch. They are the only band who has done this I think ever. Good for them.
Guns ‘N Roses? No. They are legitimately awesome. Not nostalgically awesome. Besides, according to recent Best Buy advertising literature, Guns ‘N Roses “Shackler’s Revenge” that releases next Tuesday is, “the most anticipated music album of all time!” For some reason I don't think Warrant's next album will warrant (ha!) the same anticipation.
Motley Crue? They just suck. Take them off the radio please.
If I were a lawyer and presented this argument to other lawyers in a courtroom of law, I’d lose. There are many holes. I can’t fully explain what “80’s music” is, but I can explain what it isn’t. I have a feeling Geneball will point out the many glaring inaccuracies of the above blog. He will also hopefully point out my glaring omissions of Foreigner and Journey. They are left out because if Jesus Christ himself rose up from the grave, grabbed a guitar, joined a band, and performed...his music would sound eerily like Foreigner and Journey. To compare their music to any other would be to blaspheme.
3 comments:
1. There was a radio-hosted GNR 'listening party' at a local bar the other night. There were stringent security checks and you couldn't bring in cell phones in addition to various recording devices. This inspires two reactions in me: a. I hope Axl dies of some highly esoteric and rare disease, it would serve him right for this ridiculous high-and-mightiness that he still thinks he deserves and b. Axl is a douchebag. a and b may be related, but its a point that bears repeating, probably more than just twice. If he's really worried about pirating via the shite audio you get from a cell phone, I wish all the worlds ills upon him. And I'm normally only a moderately vindictive soul, so I'm really peeved here. I hope the album fails miserably, at the very least.
2. I don't think I'm entitled to cite any bands you missed in your list, as you included the clinching 'etc.'. Plus since you didn't ask for my editorial eye, I'm not going to run your list against my own personal "Hair bands who must always be cited in the genre" list. However, since you evoked my name and expected a comment, I had to address this. (Note in review: I must mention Twisted Sister, I think they deserve better than 'etc.' status.)
3. Couldn't agree more about Journey and Foreigner, but I will impress upon you that in this list you quite dubiously omitted REO Speedwagon. Some might also argue for Styx, but I won't. And some people would want Rush thrown in somewhere as well, but too bad for them because they suck. Blech. I think the issue here is that these were late 70s/80s bands who were breathtaking in their own right- not the tight pants and makeup right- ridiculous. So, to that end, I also insist we talk about Foghat and Boston, although Foghat is more of a 'Moses on bass' outfit and Jesus clearly left Boston after their debut album.
4. I want to explicitly state that I agree with you completely about your complaint about the Hair Metal station. If you're going to have a genre station, don't go faking the bands that are in the genre and excluding the stuff that belongs. A big problem is that they'll play pop stuff like 'Have a Nice Day' on Hair Metal. Foolish! Now perhaps they're not the MOST hair of hair metal, but back in the day Bon Jovi fit the bill. So you can play 'Dead or Alive', but if the song also plays on Today's Lite or whatever the David Gray station is, let's politely leave it off Hair Metal, thank you. But I disagree about Motley Crue. They are almost the epitome of hair metal and probably the most successful band- commercially at least- in the genre, so, especially per your "If everyone is buying it, it must be good" argument, they definitely belong.
5. To further your point: the massive '80s music' grouping really kills me. You end up with 'Mickey' and 'Let's get physical' grouped with 'Dr. Feelgood'? That's not a genre. That's lazy. I understand that music in the 80s doesn't hold up very will in retrospect as it was all horrendously cheesy, but you're not convincing anyone- not me at least- that just because Olivia Newton John and Sebastian Bach once shared a pair of spandex leggings that their music should be grouped together.
1. Ha. My favorite thing about that is they've been streaming the new album on MySpace for weeks. I'm pretty sure someone could record off of MySpace with a lot better quality than they could using their cellphone in a crowded room. He truly is the king of fools.
2. I completely forgot about Twisted Sister. You are right. They deserve more than "etc" status. I also should have mentioned the song "Dying in Your Arms Tonight," somewhere.
3. I think the late 70's arena bands that bled into the early 80's get a bum rap. You mention later on about how it's just lazy to categorize anything that came out across an entire decade as "80's," and I think case in point would be all of the bands you mention here. Any bands that rocked long hair without hairspray are not hair metal...they are awesome metal.
4. You've swayed me on Motley Crue. Honestly, I think a certain friend of ours from high school has skewed my perception of both Motley Crue and Poison while Justin skewed my view of Def Leppard. Since I heard the music all the time in high school, and Tony continuously told me how legitimately great they were, I think I've just always considered them a band. Looking further at their catalog, they clearly have several hits that would have only been hits in the 80's.
5. I addressed this point earlier, but I agree and you summed up in a few sentences the point I was trying to get across in the blog. I'm fine with an "80's" genre-but it should include the "Let's Get Physicals," and "Wake Me Up Before You Go Gos." There should then be an "80's metal" genre that includes the legit hair bands. I'm sure they need some hip hop/R+B genre too, but alas...
I feel entitled to comment on this post, as I do many of your posts:
1. The best song from the 80s is "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield. Not hair metal. But doesn't matter. It's a blanket statement, and it goes for any song released in the 80s, or the 30s.
2. You are correct. GN'R is legitimately an awesome band that cannot be contained by the mere zeitgeist of the era. They transcend time. Let's put it this way: so long as the Minnesota Vikings have third downs, so too will we have, "Welcome To the Jungle."
3. I was with you on Motley Crue sucking. They were all lavish style. Really, they epitomized glam rock (arguably, Poison moreso, because Crue consisted of some pretty dirty fucks). Their shows were what GN'Rs were towards the Use Your Illusion era--big and pompous--not the sleazy guitar riffs you felt like you could contract the clap from just by being in the same room as the one they were playing in.
4. It's been a while now since I read your blog, so I've forgotten all I was going to say.
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