Dogs, Heroes, and Movies

My dog now looks like a deer and acts like a bunny. For some reason I opted not to get my poor dog a haircut for about three months. Due to this her hair became incredibly matted. Her face looked ridiculous as well since in the interim I'd given her two face cuts on my own. Last night when playing fetch with her, I'd throw her toy, and she'd run in the complete opposite room every time. She did this because her hair was so long she couldn't see. I brought her in for a haircut tonight and they had to shave her because to quote Petco Lady, "Your dog's fur is horrendous." She now looks as if she's gone through doggy chemo (my dog, not the Petco Lady).

Also relevant, I haven't mowed the lawn in over two weeks. I have a thing for prairie grass. Because of this my backyard has grown to about seven inches. My short dog hated peeing in this grass before, but she really hated it tonight since it's damp and wet and no one likes peeing directly on wet grass. I'm actually surprised my wife hasn't told me to mow the lawn lately. It looks really bad. Maybe she needs a haircut or something.

That or maybe my wife has been way too busy watching Heroes. I told her she needed to watch Seasons One and Two of the show before Season Three started, so she could watch it with me. She didn't like it at first, but I told her she had to wait until Hiro (pronounced like gyro with an h) told Peter to save the cheerleader and save the world. By the time that scene came, Kelsey was hooked. I then didn't have a wife for a week, as she became obsessed with the show. Two new personality quirks have arisen out of this:

1) If I forget to complete an errand or chore (which believe it or not, happens all the time) she pretends to stop time. She then won't move until I do whatever it is I needed to do. Unfortunately this does not work in reverse because she tells me, "you don't have the power to stop time. I do. It would be stupid if we had the same power."

2) She now sings me lovely songs of contradictory feelings using themes from the show. These songs are usually sung to the tune of random Blues Traveler songs none of you have ever heard:

If I had super strength I'd kill you.
If I could shoot lightning from my hands I'd shoot it at you.
If I could somehow use my blood to help you grow regrow a limb, I wouldn't. That would be taking my powers too far.
If I could cry black tears from me eyes that kill all those around me, I'd use my power sparingly at my convenience.
If I could walk through walls for you I would.
I would jump off the Hollywood sign and would not die because my friend who could fly would catch me and my dad has horn-rimmed glasses.

If you haven't watched Heroes, none of that song would make sense. However if you haven't watched Heroes, you too don't make sense.

Watching 34 hours of television in a one week span did make me come to a startling conclusion: I watch too much TV and movies. I no longer enjoy half of what I watch--I basically watch it all to avoid doing anything that challenges me. In addition to that, during episode six of season one of Heroes, I added all the September and October anticipated dvd/blu-ray releases I want to own to my cart on Amazon.com. The total came to a shade over $500. This is for two months. $500. That's $3000 a year. That's a lot. More on that later.