2.10.2008

The Actual Best Five (or Ten) Movies of the Year

My apologies to you that hate my movie blogs and would prefer I only write angry angst-filled rants on what is wrong with society. This is my second movie related blog in a row (and also third overall blog in three days). Don't worry, I'm sure something will piss me off by the next time blogorrific inspiration hits me.

I've mentioned before that in my humble opinion, the Academy Awards are crap. Of the five best picture candidates, there is usually one or two good movies in the bunch. I say this as a pretentious film snob, not someone who thinks Wild Hogs should garner attention come awards season. Since my junior year in high school when the Best Picture award officially became meaningless, there have been glaring omissions and horrific inclusions ever year (years based on when the movies came out, not when the ceremony was held):

1998: Saving Private Ryan lost to Shakespeare in Love? SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE? Did any of the voters actually watch Shakespeare in Love? It's too absurd to move beyond being merely decent. Saving Private Ryan on the other hand would be the rightful winner in almost every other year ever. Also, where the hell was American History X on the nominee list?

1999: American Beauty won. I'm halfway okay with this. The movie hasn't aged well with the whole quiet, quirky/smirky style becoming more prevalent. Both the Green Mile and Sixth Sense are immensely better movies and were nominated. What's outrageous however, is that Magnolia, easily EASILY one of the best three to five movies of all time didn't get nominated at all. DUMB.

2000: Gladiator, which (sorry everyone) is no more special than your average summer blockbuster, won. Good movie, not great. Fine, whatever. Erin Brockovich's nomination made no sense. It's a good movie but nothing special. I honestly think if Julia Roberts wouldn't have said "Fuck" 400 times and "Cunt" once, this movie would have received "zero" attention. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon really wasn't as neat as people wanted us to believe and Chocolat is a waste of Johnny Depp's talents (by that I mean he isn't a pirate, Joon, or a demon barber of Fleet St). Traffic should have won this year, but Almost Famous and Requiem for a Dream should have both been nominated.

2001: A Beautiful Mind won. I love this movie, but it's nowhere near as good as the first Lord of the Rings movie. Which, if the list consisted as is, should have been the Best Picture winner. But to give you an example of how stupid voters were this year: Denzel won Best Actor for playing a bad cop when Russel Crowe gave an all-time legendary performance in A Beautiful Mind; Mullholland Dr, a terribly directed movie, was nominated for Best Director; and Royal Tenenbaums, the greatest movie ever made, wasn't nominated for Best Picture. In fact, Royal Tenenbaums got snubbed all over the place. Ben Stiller and/or Luke Wilson deserved Best Supporting Actor nominations and Gene Hackman certainly deserved a Best Actor nomination. Lastly (this year really ticks me off all over the place) Gosford Park earned a nomination for Best Picture. If you can watch this movie in one sitting without getting pissed off at its sheer mediocrity, kudos.

2002: Chicago won. I like Chicago (as evidenced by yesterday's blog). However, Gangs of New York is a far better movie and should have won. I don't understand why the second Lord of the Rings movie was nominated but never really considered eligible to win. I think it's easily the best of the trilogy (which is saying a lot, as all three are too cool for school). Road to Perdition and Catch Me if You Can could have earned nominations, but really the Hours is the only movie nominated I didn't like. Adaptation came out this year too. All in all, one helluva year for Oscary movies.

2003: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King won. Not much to say about this year. The best trilogy ever finally gets the recognition it deserves as it is not only awesome to watch but incredibly well made and nearly flawless (I'm still not a huge fan of the whole eight hundred endings). Pirates 1 and Finding Nemo (Pixar's finest) should have been nominated over the underwhelming but good Seabiscuit and underwhelming and not really that good Lost in Translation.

2004: Two things: Million Dollar Baby is a great movie that I hated the first time I watched. I wanted my happy sport's ending dammit! It probably deserved to win though. However Ray isn't nearly good enough to be nominated for Best Picture and Sideways is far too overrated for its own good. The Aviator and Finding Neverland both could have won without me irrationally writing off the Oscars. But the two movies that should have been nominated and weren't: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Hotel Rwanda. Also, Don Cheadle's performance in Hotel Rwanda not winning Best Actor makes about as much sense as Jamie Foxx winning for playing an almost comedic impersonation of Ray Charles. I wouldn't have cried if Life Aquatic got some love either, but I can understand why it didn't. It's certainly not for everyone.

2005: Aaah yes, the year the Academy finally admitted to the world that getting nominated for an Oscar isn't that hard--all you have to do is make a movie with gay cowboys. Crash won. A good movie that surprised everyone by winning because everyone expected the cowboy movie. Walk the Line, Hustle and Flow, Cinderella Man, and Batman Begins all should have been nominated and weren't. Probably one of the of worst Oscar years ever. It created a totally inaccessible awards show to normal viewers by nominating only indie darlings rather than great movies normal people enjoy.

2006: The Departed won, and it definitely should have-an awesome movie all the way around. The Academy also did the correct thing by not nominating the awful Dreamgirls. Letters from Iwo Jima was a good nomination. Babel was good, but the Last King of Scotland should have been nominated in its place. Little Miss Sunshine being nominated was cool. My big beef with last year? The Queen, an all around bad movie with no redeeming qualities, nominated for no reason other than it was about a Queen named Elizabeth and that automatically qualifies it for awards, was nominated for Best Picture. The fact this movie was nominated and Pan's Labyrinth was not is an egregious error someone should be beheaded for. On a sidenote, Click (starring Adam Sandler) was nominated for "Best-Makeup." We can now say, "The Oscar nominated Click" when referring to Adam Sandler's body of work.

2007: This year is similar to two years ago in that not a whole lot great movies got nominated and dissimilar in that there were plenty of good candidates that could have been. A quick summary:

No Country for Old Men: Good for an hour and forty five minutes. The ending has grown on me, but only because I read the book. That shouldn't be how good movies work. Not terrible though.

There Will Be Blood: A movie that rightfully earned Daniel-Day Lewis a Best Actor nomination, but Best Picture? I don't think so. Too long and pointless in parts.

Juno: I like this movie a lot, but it was the third best quirky comedy of the year (behind Knocked Up and Superbad respectively) and seems to have been nominated because Little Miss Sunshine was last year. (sorry mom)

Michael Clayton: I have to say, I loved this movie. I really didn't think I would, but it's gripping, dramatic, and uses enough different techniques (my favorite? showing the opening credits at the end of the movie--neat symbolism) to set it apart from your average legal thriller. In addition, there is something neat about watching George Clooney outsmarting and outcooling everyone.

Atonement: As I mentioned in a previous blog, this movie is so boring it had me contemplating suicide. I actually think about this movie every now and then and get pissed off. This movie has no right being anywhere near the Academy Awards.

So there you have it, a completely average five (with the exception of Juno which is legitimately great and Michael Clayton which is above average). In a year of stellar blockbusters, the return of Die Hard, some quality quirk, and a few decent indy dramas, the Academy could have done much better. With that, here are the real top ten movies of 2007:

The Bottom Five in no particular order:

The Simpsons Movie-they finally made it. It may be a bit too satirical for some tastes, but it was legitimately funny and actually played up the characters as real people-something the show had lacked in recent seasons.

Die Hard 4-everything an action movie should be right down to the Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis single handedly taking down a fighter jet while running around a freeway ramp ruled. This movie also features the most bad-ass f-bomb I've ever witnessed.

Superbad-Hilarious from the first minute to the last. It showed the world what fans of Arrested Development already knew-Michael Cera is one funny dude. It also had some genuinely touching moments that helped complement the comedy and make it more than just penis and sex jokes.

Juno-The only one of my top ten actually nominated for Best Picture.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age-It's about a queen named Elizabeth, so it has to be good. (This spot really belongs to Across the Universe)

The Top Five in no particular order:

Once-As mentioned yesterday, a wonderful little love story with great music and some heart-wrenching emotion.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street-Also as mentioned yesterday, a gorgeous well-structured movie that further proved Johnny Depp is one of the greatest talents Hollywood will ever have.

The Darjeeling Limited-If you can't tell, I think every Wes Anderson movie (Royal Tenenbaums and Life Aquatic should get nominated for every award, even those they aren't eligible for. This was a wonderful movie (though I'm sure 99% of the world would find it horrible; little known fact-99% of the world is wrong 100% of the time), that told a great story about three brothers trying to rebuild a fractured relationship. The literal symbolism was a nice touch too.

3:10 to Yuma-I doubt it was even considered because it was a remake, but it was a fucking great remake. Christian Bale and Russel Crowe are too of the greatest actors out there. The fact that the western genre is seriously underutilized nowadays and this western was actually good (unlike the PLODDING Assassination of Jesse James), makes this a must-see.

Knocked Up-While not as laugh for laugh funny as Superbad, I found watching Seth Rogen's character and Katherine Heigl's career grow up before our very eyes made for a special movie. Similar to 40-year Old Virgin, a perfect comedy in that it makes you care about the characters instead of merely using them to throw jokes at you. By the time the last ten minutes roll around, you actually want a semi-serious and poignant moment between the new parents. When you get it, it makes for a very satisfying comedy. Plus Paul Rudd automatically earns a movie two bonus points.

(Tie for eleventh place: Transformers and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer)

(Note on eleventh place: Not true)

Also good, but didn't quite crack my top ten: Pirates 3; Breach; Ratatouille; American Gangster; I Am Legend; the Lookout; Fistful of Quarters; Michael Clayton; Hot Rod; the Ten; Talk to Me; Zodiac; Harry Potter 5; Charlie Wilson's War; Bourne 3

The worst? Atonement, the Heartbreak Kid; Mr. Brooks; Eastern Promises; the Astronaut Farmer; Ghost Rider; Good Luck Chuck; Catch and Release; the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

(Note on Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: once the coward Robert Ford finally assassinated Jesse James it got interesting. If you could somehow combine the ending of this movie with the first hour and forty minutes of No Country for Old Men, you'd actually have one whole good movie.)

Movies I didn't see that would probably be on the list somewhere: Grindhouse; The Orphanage (probably great); Sicko; Balls of Fury; that movie where Kal Penn is serious and struggles with his Indian culture; the Diving Bell and the Butterfly; any other movie starring Dane Cook (probably bad)

If There Will Be Blood would have been trimmed up a wee bit, it easily could have made the top ten. Alas, it's largely a forgettable three hour movie about an oil man. For shame.

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