Ten Lessons Learned From a Week Working Retail and Eating Sandwiches

This has been an interesting week. My Ladyfriend (note to My Friend in Chicago-still going to use generic descriptors) and I got a puppy on Saturday, which officially made Saturday, Sunday, and Monday crazy. Then, My Ladyfriend had to go out of town on Wednesday, so we brought the puppy to Grandma's house for the rest of the week. On top of this, I started my new job at The Store this past Monday. While working days for the first time in two years was good, working them at 4:00 am was not. On the plus side, I officially have my last pieces of moving at my new apartment complete-drapes up, sheets on the bed, and a laundry hamper. I'm officially a resident of the QC! Anyways, since I spent a majority of my week playing with My Puppy, working retail for the first time in my life, missing My Puppy, and watching movies (lots and lots of movies-4 in the theater and 6 at home), I've developed ten major learnings and queries. Here, in no particular order, save for point seven, they are:

1) No one has any sort of movie theater etiquette. When there are only five people in the theater (two couples and one me), you should never enter right before the movie is about to start and sit right next to or immediately behind someone who is already there. The theater is almost empty. This happened twice this week, and each time I got up and moved to another seat. A seat I could spread out and not be by other people. What's worse, the people who cluelessly sat around you in the first place glared at me after moving as if asking, "What, too cool to sit by me?" I didn't respond (I have before and it leads to nothing promising), but if I had a leather jacket I totally would have Fonzed it. That would have solved it.

2) Mothers who buy their children those damn skate shoes are terrible people. If any of you reading this happen to be mothers who bought your children those damn skate shoes, you are a terrible person. Every time you turn around anywhere, it seems like a rolling child is about to clip you in the knees.

3) Waking up at 2:45 in the morning to go to work is still way better than going to work at 6:00 at night. Why? Because being addicted to coffee is socially acceptable while being addicted to sleeping pills and speed is not.

4) Non-English speaking hair stylists give the best haircuts. They don't talk to you at all, and they get the work done quickly. I gave her a six dollar tip for just not talking. I much prefer this over the, "So...what do you do?" "Oh really. That's cool." "I think I know someone who sort of does that." "So...what are you doing this weekend?" "Yeah. I know." "Oh FUN!" Small talk. Bah!

5) I find it sad that my pantry shelf has the following: a loaf of bread, Cheerios, Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats, and Jack Daniels.

6) Not until three years from now when the Lost series finale airs, have I or will I ever be as excited for an hour of television as I am for next week's Sopranos series finale. Phil better get shot and shot good. If you've never watched the Sopranos, you really missed out on a wonderfully told (albeit at times dragged out and silly) story of a man sinking further and further into a job he doesn't even like or want to gain the respect of people that don't even matter, all while his family falls apart around him. The fact his job happens to be the mafia is really a moot point, but does make the show incredibly cool.

7) People in line at the sandwich shop with picks in their hair, do not like to be asked the question, "Seriously guy, what's up with the picks in your hair?" no matter how nice you ask it. In fact, they don't like it so much they cause really big scenes and almost get you kicked out of said sandwich shop without your roast beef and cheddar. Evidently the question, "Be dissing (his) style and shit." I feel terrible really. I was just trying to make small talk. Bah!

8) Puppies, no matter how much work they are, infect you almost immediately. You want to spend just about every minute with them. Be warned.

9) My Girlfriend has brought this to my attention before, but I need to ask this again: Who decided and when and why did they decide to make popcorn the official "movie theater" snack. It doesn't make any sense. It's not that good, unless carmelized or covered in fake powdered cheese. It's greasy, so you get your hands covered in butter and nine times out of ten you forget your napkin. Worst of all, it's loud. Nothing's better than coming to an intense scene in some thriller where the music stops, silence takes over to build tension, and all you can concentrate on is the chomp chomp chomps of the people and their popcorn.

10) Mediacom is the pinnacle of consistency. No matter what town you live in; no matter what area of the country you call your home; everyone who works there has absolutely no idea what they are doing. They employees probably bought their children those damn roller shoes. I could get into why I feel this way, but it's a rather dull story, even for my standards.


And since I haven't done this since the time I went off on Eragon, some movie reviews:

-Shrek 3 is just as good as Shrek 2. Critics don't like it for no reason. Hilarious.

-Oceans 13, while nowhere near as good as the wonderful Oceans 11, is still quite fun and way better than the horrible in every way Oceans 12.

-Pirates 3 is an awesome end to a surprisingly awesome trilogy that clearly will lead to a fourth movie someday. Johnny Depp will eventually waste all his money in France while making nothing but indie movies and need to milk his franchise.

-Knocked Up is one of the best comedies ever, hands down. It reminds me of the classic Murray, Akroyd, or Belushi comedies from the seventies-hilarious, goofy, and most important, they feature a plot! You actually like the characters! In Knocked Up however, you can actually see the moment that Katherie Heigl outgrows Grey's Anatomy and becomes an official movie star. Side character and love interest of "controversial because I'm gay in real life and my supposed friend called me a naughty word that the media gave power to by constantly talking about it" George no more!

-Hellboy on Blu-Ray is gorgeous and decently entertaining.

-Caddyshack is just as good as everyone says it is. I really should have watched it years ago. I really need to get around to seeing Top Gun though.

-The Guardian is another surprisingly awesome movie. Go Coast Guard! You are now my favorite branch of the armed forces. Though I don't know if you are armed.

-Apocalypto on Blu Ray and a high def TV is the most gorgeous movie currently available to watch. While our favorite anti-Semite has a penchant for filming ultra violent movies, this was is at least very entertaining.

-Royal Tenenbaums and Life Aquatic are still the two greatest movies ever made. If you can find a legitimate story flaw in Royal Tenenbaums, don't ever speak to me.

-The Bicycle Thief, a classic Italian film, is equally heartbreaking and perfectly understandable. Great movie.

Normally I'm not so glowing in my movie reviews, but I really did enjoy every movie I watched this week, even The Passion 2: Apocalypto.

That's enough for now. Being as I woke up at 4:00 am this morning, I've written this blog between about eight bouts of sleep. Hence going with the list format. Hope you enjoy, and if anyone likes anything I happen to write, feel free to pass it along to others. That's my desperate plea for readers.